Hoe ADHD invloed heeft op je seks en liefdeslevenseptember 26, 2019
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When most folks think about attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder—better known as ADHD—they probably think of not being able to concentrate on a single task, and conversation non sequiturs. They might not think about how ADHD affects a person’s sexual and romantic relationships.
Ari Tuckman, PsyD, CST sought to change that. Tuckman created a survey of 72 questions looking at sexual and relationship satisfaction when one parter has ADHD and the other does not. More than 3,000 people took the survey, and he published the results in his book: ADHD After Dark: Better Sex Life, Better Relationship.
According to the survey results, folks with ADHD were more likely to:
- desire sex more often
- masturbate more often
- watch more porn
- have hooked up with more partners
- desire consensual non-monogamous activities
- desire a larger repertoire of sexual activities.
Nevertheless, the number of times a couple had sex a year differed drastically depending on how much perceived work each partner puts into the relationship.
“Those who felt their partner put in good effort at managing ADHD (their own or their partner’s) were more sexually generous and comfortable,” Tuckman tells Men’s Health. “Those who felt that their partner put in the most effort at managing ADHD had 67% more sex than those who put in the least effort—92 versus 55 times a year.” (There’s no cure for ADHD, but there are various ways to treat it, including medication, therapy, and various forms of training to manage the condition, according to the National Institute of Mental Health.)
It seems like good effort in one area is returned with generosity in another. This benefits the couple’s sex life and overall relationship satisfaction. “We can therefore say that managing ADHD well is an aphrodisiac. In addition, those who felt their partners put in more effort were notably happier in their relationship,” says Tuckman.
While having a stronger sexual desire and having more sex may at first sound ideal, Tuckman notes that greater sexual desire can be a double-edged sword. “It can be a great strength in long-term relationships where passion tends to fade—if one partner can keep sex a bit more front and center, both partners and the relationship will benefit,” he explains. “However, if the couple isn’t getting along for other reasons, a large difference in desire can become yet another thing to fight about. This is more likely in the couples where the man has ADHD, since they tend to struggle more in the relationship overall and there is also a greater difference in sexual desire than when it is a couple where the woman has ADHD.”
The bottom line, Tuckman makes clear, is putting in the effort to get on top of your ADHD, especially if your sex life and relationship is important to you. “If your wife or girlfriend thinks you’re slacking, she’s not going to jump in bed with you.”